A church in California recently received the following letter from a family searching for a church in their new community. “We’ve been to one church for three weeks now; hopefully someone will say ‘Hi’ soon. Went to a well-known church a few weeks ago… no one spoke to us there either (must be us). However, the Mormons next door have had us over for dinner and taken my wife shopping several times.  At work a Jehovah's Witness brought us a nice house-warming present. We're think of joining one of these groups; they seem to have everything right except basic doctrine. They sure have claimed the relational scene in the neighborhood."

So what's wrong with this situation?  While this family didn't join a cult, their experiences validate a basic tenet for effective communication of the gospel. The ancient Greeks called it "pathos." "Pathos" is the root word for terms like “empathy” and “sympathy.” Put another way, “People really don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Statistically, there is a direct correlation between the assurance of love and the acceptance of the message.

Em Griffin, author of The Mind Changers (Tyndale, 1996), gives a simple equation for communicating the gospel:

Persuasion = Message + Relationship.

In other words, the message of the gospel is most effectively communicated in the context of loving relationships. Surveys reveal that 70-90% of people who meet Christ and get involved in a local church do so because of the influence of friends and relatives.

What do these facts mean to us? How can they change us? First, there needs to be openness to friendship building, without hidden agendas, gimmicks, or ulterior motives. Second, these friendships should be based on the intrinsic value we all possess as people made in the image of God and as objects of God’s love through Christ. And third, there is an opportunity to incarnate the life-changing message of God’s love through our relationships.

Let’s be like Steve Stupar who, instead of protesting the arrival of a new abortion clinic in town, decided to do something about it. He befriended Eric, the founder and operator of the clinic, and eventually was used to win him to Christ. Steve had the privilege of seeing his friend who was caught up in murder, homosexuality, and pornography changed through the power of the Gospel. “I want everyone to know how good God is,” Eric said, while Steve gleamed with joy (Read the whole article about Steve and Eric in the August 98 edition of Citizen Magazine).

Let’s paint a new picture -- Let’s love people until they ask us why! It all begins with a decision on our part to reach out to others and befriend them.

Identifying Where To Begin

The familiar story of the “Good Samaritan” is filled with insights into the reasons why we don’t reach out to our neighbors. Read the story right now and ask God impress on you the real meaning of the story.  Ask Him to make it relavent to your interactions.  Visualize what it would look like at work, school, or with your neighbors (Luke 10:.27-37).

The Gospel flows best though your natural web of relationships. List the names of several people you’d like to see come to Christ by the end of this year (think of family, neighbors, classmates, co-workers).

Develop these relationships on the basis of common ground activities (think of children, sports, hobbies, entertaining).

Pray regularly for these friends. Specifically pray for open doors, opportunities to have extended conversations, listen more than normal and ask genuine questions.  Then look for natural ways to share the good news in a clear and personal way.

Remember that LOVE is the final and most effective apologetic (persuader).