Consider Lieutenent Columbo!

If you feel ill-equipped to have a meaningful spiritual conversation with your family and friends, then try Columbo’s approach. Columbo asked great questions and listened very carefully. Try resisting the temptation to give your opinion. Instead ask follow up questions and then listen some more. What do you have to lose? Listening is always a great way to compliment any person.

When we ask questions we not only deepen the conversation, but we also avoid arguments. Greg Koukl, president of Stand to Reason, recently described a conversation that illustrates the importance of asking questions. “Once in a restaurant in Seattle,” he said, ”I got into a chat about religion with a waitress. She said, ‘All religions are basically the same, aren‘t they?'

In response, I asked her a question, ‘Oh? In what way?’

Those four words had a remarkable effect on her. Her jaw fell stack and her face went blank. She didn't know what to say. She had obviously never looked closely at other religions. If she had, she'd have known they were worlds apart. Why did she say all religions were the same, then? I suspect she'd gotten away with it many times before.”

This was the tactic of Lieutenant Columbo, the bumbling and seemingly inept TV detective whose remarkable success was based on an innocent query: “Do you mind if I ask you a question?" The key to this tactic is to go on the offensive by dismantling another person’s viewpoint with carefully selected questions. The tactic can be played out Columbo-style, halting, head scratching, and apparently harmless or pursued more aggressively, like a lawyer in a courtroom.

We Christians need to get out of the habit of trying to refute every fantasy that a non-believer imagines or every claim he manufactures out of thin air. Don’t succumb to the temptation to take up the defense, especially when others are the ones making the claims. Why let them off so easily?

Kevin Bywater of Summit Ministries has offered a three-step formulation of Columbo’s approach that can tame the most belligerent critic. And let’s admit it, some members of our families can be very belligerent.

The first is the clarification question: "What do you mean by that?" It's delivered in a mild, genuinely inquisitive fashion. This question accomplishes a couple of things. First, it immediately engages the non-believer in an interactive way. Second, it's flattering. Third, it forces him to think more carefully about exactly what he does mean. Fourth, it gives you valuable information, so be sure to pay attention to the response.

Here's the second question: “Now, how did you come to your conclusion?” This is a more gentle variation of “Where did you get your facts?” Though it is similar in content, it has a nicer tone, graciously assuming the non-Christian has actually thought through the issue carefully instead of just making an assertion. The additional information he gives you puts you in a better position to assess his view and to proceed if you choose to.

I say, "If you choose to...” because you may not want to move forward just then, nor are you obliged to. You don’t always have to hit a home run. Sometimes just getting on base will do, and the first two questions accomplish that.

If you want to proceed, your third question suggests an alternative. Ask, “Have you ever considered...” and then finish the sentence in a way appropriate to the issue. Offer an alternative view that gently challenges their beliefs.

So, in your interactions with non-believers, try using the Columbo method:
1. What do you mean by that?
2. How did you come to your conclusion?
3. Have you ever considered...?

Remember, though, that God uses those with the right “Be Attitudes," especially “Be Attitude” #1.